9 Starbucks Drinks That Define You

9 Starbucks Drinks That Define You

* These baristas are totes judging you right now with that order.

1) Caffe Americano.
You mean business. You’re not here to play games. Coffee has a definite purpose in your life and that’s to wake you the hell up. Enjoyment is not on your list of adjectives describing your coffee experience. Sure with every sip it tastes so horrible that you are pretty positive you are doing permanent damage to your taste buds, but if it gets you through the night writing this 8-page paper on art history that’s due tomorrow morning well- you gotta do what you gotta do.
* Fun fact: Dis my drink!

2) Iced Coffee with Milk.
You probs ordered a “medium” instead of a “grande” and never been to Starbucks before. You were under pressure and the long list of options was not helping and straight just intimidating- I get it but really!? You’re a newb and Dunkin Donuts is down the block for next time.

3) Java Chip Frappuccino.
You’re not a coffee drinker. Actually you hate coffee and all the extra crap put into this drink completely cancels out any slight trace of coffee flavor and you love it. You give zero shits about your sugar intake. “Hey a “grande” of this stuff has double the amount of daily sugar intake I should have… maybe we’ll skip on the whip cream then?”

4) Caramel Macchiato.
You’re a follower and just want to fit in.

5) Decaf Pike’s Place Roast.
I don’t even get people who order decaf coffee so you’re still a mystery to me. Honestly if someone can explain to me the purpose of decaf coffee because shit makes zero sense. Like.. I’m actually at a lost for words. Only explanation is people who drink decaf coffee are aliens.

6) Shaken Iced Passion Tea Lemonade.
It’s probably super sunny out and you’re headed to the beach and everyone knows the Passion Iced Tea “pink” color makes for the best Starbucks Instagrams like #NeededNoFilter- so this was the go to choice.

7) Cookie Dough Frappuccino.
Bitch knows about the secret menu.

8) Iced Skinny Flavored Latte.
Can I have an iced latte with non-fat milk, sugar-free syrup and no whip to add to my painfully miserable life? Basically just post a sticker on your forehead “Hi. I am on a diet and my life is hell.”

9) Orange Mango Smoothie.
LOL you thought you were in Red Mango. Like seriously what are you doing here? Go back to yoga.

The Days Of The Week As Told By Instagram #Hashtags

The Days Of The Week As Told By Instagram #Hashtags

* For you dinosaurs who don’t use Instagram it is a world filled with Starbucks coffee and sushi images.
** Listen I’ve definitely used all these hashtags in an annoying way and probably will in the future so let’s not take anything personally. Everyone is annoying as fudge on social media and if you don’t think you are.. guess what, you’re worse.

1) Monday.
On Mondays we hate life because well… our misery of a full week of waking up early and being productive has only just begun. Even though we hate life on Mondays us ladies love Instagram on Mondays. Why? #ManCrushMonday or #mcm for you lazy typers. Whatever brillliant soul started this hashtag trend please let me know your address because I want to personally send you a “thank you” card. What better way to cure a case of the Monday blues with your newsfeed on the gram filled with half naked men with six packed abs? Nothing, nothing is better.

2) Tuesday.
Tuesdays are BFFs with Mondays so we don’t like them and the hashtag on Instagram is not so great either. #TransformationTuesday is usually a post of someone comparing a picture of themselves in their ugly awkward stage from middle or high school to a more recent picture of them at a wedding after they got their hair and make-up done to remind everyone they got hotter. Thanks for the update and we all know you used the X-Pro II filter to make yourself tanner.

3) Wednesday Part One.
Hump day! Misery is half way done and bliss is coming our way! But as a chick I could live without Instagram on this day. Oh hello #WomenCrushWednesday for stomping on my confidence for the next 24 hours. Who doesn’t want to see beautiful *photoshopped* models on their newsfeed all day long!? But we need this #wcw because let me tell you I never miss Wednesdays at the gym because of it. I hate swimsuit models but thanks for the motivation hunny.

4) Wednesday Part Two.
Oh, and #WayBackWednesday will never catch on. Just like the word fetch… it’s not going to happen. Give it up and just wait for tomorrow for your throwback, okay? Chill out.

5) Thursday.
Thursdays aren’t that bad. The weekend is right around the corner and for most college students it is the weekend so HOORAY! But on Instagram Thursdays are miserable. #ThrowbackThursday or #tbt is honestly the worse hashtag trend EVER. Newsfeeds are filled with baby pictures (what a surprise EVERYONE was mad adorable as a child and I’m over it), regular throwbacks of people and their friends from a few years ago (literally NO ONE gives a shit about these ones) and the people who just don’t understand what a “Throwback” is and post a picture from three days ago (you’re doing it completely wrong).

6) Friday.
It’s the weekend finally and life is becoming beautiful and amazing again. As for life on Instagram no one really gives a shit about hashtags because they care more about where they are spending their happy hour later on. We do have #FlashbackFriday (for people who completely missed #tbt) which is barely abused or even used for that matter… but I’m totes not complaining about that.

7) Saturday.
100% the best day of the week. Usually the day you have a cute day out with your ladies going shopping or getting your nails done. Lucky enough you can rub in everyone’s face how wonderful your life is by documenting your activities and going on the Instagram using #SaturdayShenanigans because if it isn’t posted on Instagram it totally does not even count.

8) Sunday Part One.
Another day to brag about your day and that amazing Sunday brunch you had using #SundayFunday!

9) Sunday Part Two.
Not that you really need this hashtag to post a selfie because you know no matter what day of the week you’ll be posting a good selfie if you got one but #SelfieSunday makes it a LITTLE more socially acceptable to do so.

9 Signs Of Being Short

9 Signs Of Being Short

* This was my short national TV appearance on the Price Is Right. And by “short” I mean in every meaning possible.
** I am a victim of all these problems being 5’2”…5’3” on a good day. Life dream: 5’4”.

1) Swimming Is Hard.
This place is not the “shallow” end. Everyone is standing up in the water totally casual and us shorties over here are about to pass out from exercise exhaustion because we’re treading water like no tomorrow because if we stood up we would be drowning.

2) People Think You’re Dumb.
I guess short people remind people of other short people who are usually little kids? I’m not sure what it is but just because I’m the height of your average 8th grader doesn’t mean my education level stayed behind with my growth hormone in middle school.

3) You’ll Always Be Just “Cute”.
Forget about being hot, sexy or anything else unless you hit that over 5’4” mark at best. You’re forever “cute”. Suck it up and walk away from the slutty halloween costumes this October- you can’t rock it.

4) Concerts Suck.
You can not see SHIT. Literally on your tippy toes the whole time to the point your calves are getting fatigued because your stuck in a crowd around freaking giants. Glad I drop hundos to see everyone in the crowd’s asses and four peeks at the stage tonight.

5) Amusement Parks Sometimes Can Be Your Worse Enemy.
Pretty sure I had my driver’s permit before I was tall enough to be the driver on the bumpers cars at Six Flags… and everyone knows there is nothing worse than being the passenger on bumper cars- just the definition of misery. I call bullshit.

6) People Think You Walk “Slow”.
Listen up. Each of your “one” steps is equivalent to three steps for us. Running, biking and simply walking is much more physically exhausting for us so give us a break- we have short legs.

7) Road Trips Suck.
Why? Guess who gets designated bitch. Middle seat in the back we meet again. Are we there yet?

8) Clothes Shopping Gets Rough.
Every pair of pants I own has been hemmed (helpful tip to my fellow shorties: just try on capris to avoid another overpriced trip to the tailors) and every dress I try on fits like a maxi-dress. The struggle is pretty freaking real.

9) You’ve Embraced It.
Like the way overused, not even funny anymore, phrase says, you’re “fun-size” so it’s all good.

9 Types Of People At The Bar/Club

9 Types Of People At The Bar/Club

 

* Above are essentials to surviving the night at a Bar/Club.

1) The Dancer.
This person is the wild one. They are literally just going out to have a serious good time. They know every word to every song and by the end of the night they got their cardio done for the week. Also, don’t hate on them. If it weren’t for them starting up the dance floor, the bar would look like a middle school dance.
** Obvi I’m number one. If you know me you know I have a signature dance move called the “Mish Hop”. It’s totally killer.

2) The Creeper.
This guy is usually super older than the average age group at the bar (roughly about 10+ years). He is alone. He has a drink in his hand along with a disturbing mustache on his face. He is “people-watching” all night in a similar fashion a “Peeping Tom” would.

3) The Texter.
Why this person left their home is the real question because honestly it is like they are not even here. They are glued to their phone to the point of creating complete disconnection with everyone around. You can usually find them leaning against a wall or sitting in a corner with their bright iPhone light shining on their face. They look up occasionally to see if their friends are still around but they’re more worried about no lapse time in-between their text messages and how many likes their pre-game Instagram photo got.

4) The Way Too Wasted Person.
This person is GONNNE. They pre-pre gamed then pre-gamed and now their just at the bar killing it and it’s only 11pm. They thought drinking five shots along with two Long Island Iced Teas all within an hour or two was a smart move. They’re kicked out by 11:08pm.

5) The Way Too Sober Person.
This is the DD. This person quickly realizes how much going out “sucks” and how “immature” everyone is. This person has a bitch-face on at all times and should be avoided at all cost.

6) The Couples.
We have two types of couples. The fun couples who get drunk and party it up with ALL their friends. We like these ones. We also have the terrible couples. They usually do not get drunk but instead go outside by a wall and just talk to each other the whole night and forget this isn’t their dinner date at The Cheesecake Factory and it’s time to socialize with others.

7) The Complainer.
Drinks cost money?! There is a cover charge?! Did you see who is here?! How are we getting home?! Typical questions of the complainer. Always something is going “TERRIBLY” wrong and they have a list of things that they need to worry about RIGHT NOW.

8) The One With The Tab.
This should be your best friend.

9) You.
If you’re reading this blog post you are 100% awesome so most likely the chillest person at the bar. Like we should probably pre-game together this Saturday.